My sleep is sound. My husband sleeps peacefully beside me. The house is quiet except for a few chirps from the winter loving birds outside. Light is just beginning to peak out from behind the shades of my bedroom. I roll over and fall momentarily into a sound sleep.
A feeling of content happiness fills me….
Then suddenly the unfamiliar sound of the alarm clock siren sends shocks through my body. I am instantly filled with fear and confusion. What is that sound? Is there a fire?
I jump out of bed confused and full of adrenaline. My heart races in my ears and I am temporarily blinded. I blink away the black dots that had appeared in front of my eyes and I realize it is Monday morning. A back to school, no more vacation - Monday morning…
Good feelings gone…..
As I regain my composure, I look over at my husband who groans as he shuts off the nuclear meltdown warning sound coming from his dreadful alarm clock. I watch as he looks over to my side of the bed to not find me there but to discover that my spot in the bed is filled with a little whimpering person whose hair is sticking up on end like that of Medusa.
I can just imagine how it all looks – Me gripping my chest and standing at the foot of our bed all wild eyed and panting- while mini Medusa starts complaining about going back to school and thrashing around beside him…
My husband looks at me then back at our little daughter as if he was about to ask us what the heck was going on.. but wisely considers not to.
This is basically how it always is every “back to school after a vacation” Monday. It is like it catches us all by surprise each time, like we never saw it coming – Like some enormous creature had snuck out of the closet and had just entered our home to steal away our happiness…
Yep – like I said, good feeling.. G-O-N-E.
I have to admit the feeling has transformed itself over the years. I used to be heartbroken and lonely when the munchkins left me to go back to school after a break… As if someone had reached into my chest and pulled out my heart with each school drop off..
But, now -- I have to admit (with a little bit of a guilty heart)that I do not necessarily have that same feeling any more.
As the kids get older, I don’t mind them being in school. Oh, sure – I definitely miss them – I really like all of them – A lot. But, they are happy and doing well in school. And to be completely honest, I can’t say that I miss dragging them on errands with me or trying to get the house cleaned up as they follow behind me undoing what was done.
I think that is the way most Mom’s feel.. a complicated combination of sadness and relief.
The thing that grips a hold of me and fills my heart with reluctance and dread is the insanity that is the school year -- The juggling act of all the different schedules, events, appointments and homework.
The rushing around that transforms my happy Holloway self into the dreaded Dr. Jekyll as I race around throwing shoes and mismatched colored socks at children whose names I cannot get correct (even though I named them myself) and yelling, “Where are my keys?”.
I had a friend say that getting your kids to places they have to be is like herding turtles. I imagine herding a group of turtles can require great amounts of patience and unlimited amounts of time… Of which it seems I have neither from September through June.. But I try.
Anyways, I did get the kids off to school this morning. Not perfectly though– I had to chase down the trash guy in my slippers with my hair up in a towel while simultaneously kissing my kids and stopping the bus as it pulled up to my house this morning.
The bus driver is the kindest lady I know – she never looks at me like I have lost my mind…. I think she could write a book about the things she sees at the Holloway bus stop – but that is for another blog.
Either way, all is well as the kids smile and wave as they drive away on the bus.
I do believe that I may have mixed up their lunches. Possibly putting things in the wrong backpacks. Hmmm...I hope my almost twelve year old does not mind eating from a tin Yoda lunch box today…
I hope they do not remember these days.. I think I am going to help them to remember things correctly, I will remind them about how organized – how calm -- how cool and collected a Mom I was… How natural it all was for me! A piece of cake!
At least that is my plan.
Anyways, hang in there parents.. One day, (I am told) we will miss all this. We will have an abundance of order, sanity and time.
And we will probably be found crying in our coffees…
Sending you all light in love this gorgeous February day!
Light and LOVE!!!!